Handy List of Excuses for all occasions

Topic: Announcement

We all make excuses and at every chance we get. Since we are always in need for readymade excuses as a public service and for all the budding execusers, here is a complete ready reference of excuses for each occassion.

When you show up late for a game

  1. First call from your bed and say, "I am on the road, the traffic is bad". That will establish a timeline for you and might allow you to turn your 5 minutes delay into 10 minutes and as such you have no control on how bad the traffic can get.
  2. "My car is having some software issues and I was waiting for an update" (Why else would you buy top of the line cars if it cannot help you when needed)
  3. "My kid woke up early and I had to make breakfast for her/him" (Nevermind the fact that you have never cooked your whole life and sometimes you may not even have a kid). 
  4. "My GPS took me down the wrong road". Blame it on Google Maps.
  5. "I had to pick up this other guy (teammate) who does not have a car and it took time". (least the other rider could do is take some share of the blame) 

When you show up late as an umpire

  1. "There was an accident on the road and cops were stopping the cars and hence I was delayed. But I was on the campus before deadline at 8:29:30". 
  2. "Oh I was here 10 minutes ago, could not find parking" 
  3. "I was already at the ground and watching from that corner. You guys were still practising so I did not come"
  4. "I sent you guys a message and told you I am going to be 2-3 minutes late" 
  5. If you run out of excuses feel free to repurpose the excuses from the "When you show up late for a game" list above. They also work just fine.

When you forgot to acknowledge IEmail by deadline and home team invokes the forfeit clause

  1. "This was a bad week in office and I completely lost track" (You might be accused of telling the truth if you used this one)
  2. "Our new manager did not know we had to acknowledge" (cop out by the other 3 old leaders who were supposedly prohibited from responding)
  3. "I thought I did, I might not have done reply all" and when that is found out to not completely accurate, the bail out option "I wrote the response but forgot to click Send. The email is still in my draft box. I can share the screenshot if you want". (When all attempts with this approach did not work, and home team insisted of enforcing forfet - one team started cursing the home team saying "I hope your team looses all the games and your next game end up in forfeit". Few others invoked the proverbial "Sportmanspirit" "You are setting a good example". Use these comeback retorts at your own risk, you might meet your match in the opponent team and risk a nasty back-and-forth on iemail in front of 10-12 others who will be silently snickering)   

When your scorecard entry was delayed

  1. "The teammate who had scoresheets was traveling and we could not contact him" (WhatsApp, FB Messenger, iMessenger and all)
  2. "We had to go look for house (we were buying) so we left immediately after the game and hence could not enter scorecard on time"
  3. "We were tired after a tough PM game and to drive 45 minutes to get home and so got delayed" (Nevermind the sounds in the background from a bar you are in)"
  4. "One of our new players registered on Friday and is yet to be approved and that delayed us from finishing" (Nevermind that the average turnaround for a new registrant approval is less than 2 hours)
  5. "My phone battery died and we could not enter the brief scorecard from the ground" (Nevermind 10 others in the team with smartphones)

When you need to convince home team to do a game swap or reschedule a game

  1. "We have someone in our team having a baby shower/bridal shower (pick the one you like) and we are all very close family friends and all our teammates are planning to attend" (nevermind most men save the would-be father/husband would have absolutely very little to do in such a function)
  2. If you are close friends with opponent team captain or leader emotionally blackmail them and say "I have been invited to a birthday party and I already committed since schedule was not out and now I am in a bind - can you please save me (by rescheduling the game)"

When you need to bail out of your turn of umpiring

  1. "This week I cannot do umpiring. Any other week I would have gladly done. I have to take my kid to swimming class this week"
  2. "I have been asked to be on the team that is doing product support/upgrades this weekend"
  3. "I might be traveling on a business trip that weekend" - send this one 2-3 weeks prior in anticipation of getting an umpiring turn.
  4. "I can do any other slots (than the one assigned) - any chance I can do a Sunday PM umpiring?"
  5. "I don't know all the rules and I am worried I might mess up and create a bad name for the team"
  6. "I have a doctor appointment that time" (Evergreen excuse - which captain wants to go to hell by denying someone a doctor appointment)
  7. "I need to babysit my child that day". (Use this excuse but remember: Watching over your own kid is not babysitting - it is called parenting)

When you need to convince your spouse about playing two(maybe three games) on a weekend

  1. "This is a critical game that will determine our teams chances of playoffs. I am the best player in the team and team will loose without me"
  2. "That guy in that team bailed us out last time. I promised to play for their team as repayment of their goodwill"
  3. "One of my teammates had some family emergency and I have to sub for him and I am just doing umpiring in the afternoon. My game is in the morning"
  4. "One of the players in that team is a good connection to have in my network - professionally. Playing for them will allow me to do that"

Rules for using these excuses

  1. All excuses are re-usable as long as you remember whom you gave which excuse(s) and you keep track of them in some notebook. You don't want to be castigated as a serial-excuser.
  2. Always have a corollary ready in case a surprise question comes at you or you feel the other person is not buying your excuse
  3. Always give excuses on a 1-on-1 basis so you don't get exposed (or provide leverage) in front of others who know the truth
  4. Don't piss off opposition team players, who knows, when you need them to buy your excuse.

P.S. Treat this as just humor and not as targeting people who might have given the excuse for a valid reason (?)

Subraya Mallya

Posted on:12 November 2018

Comments (#5)

Good one Subraya ;)

Sunil Tomar [Legends] on 11/19/2018 3:18:32 PM

Excuse to spouce if you're a volunteers - "I'm helping run a league that's larger than some states. How about cutting me some slack." ;D

Srikant Ramakrishnan [Warlords] on 11/19/2018 3:51:42 PM

My Fav section "When you need to convince your spouse about playing two(maybe three games) on a weekend". 

Amit Ranjan [WCW] on 11/19/2018 4:50:02 PM

"Watching over your own kid is not babysitting - it is called parenting" - whattey!!! This list is cool! :D

Easwar Anantharaman [Super Kings] on 11/19/2018 5:53:37 PM

Very Funny!!

Teja Jonnalagadda [ZZ_Knights] on 12/3/2018 3:05:53 PM